Awe

I want to post something in regards to awe.  Space can trigger awe in me, the size the depth...the magnitude.  It brings me out of my little perspective, helps me to understand my little issues mean absolutely nothing.  Imagine going into space and everything you have ever known, ever seen, ever imagined, ever felt, done, will do, had, will have is here...on this tiny blue sphere in space.  My ego takes a beating when I look into space...I feel small, and then the words...I created that?  The Beautiful Insanity...

I often study infinite regression and infinite egression.  Imagine...

Take a look at this site.  I suggest starting with the scroll all the way to the right and slowly going backwards... ***SITE SEEMS TO BE WORKING AGAIN, HOPEFULLY IT WILL REMAIN THAT WAY. PLEASE LET ME KNOW IF IT DOESN'T AT ANY POINT.

http://htwins.net/scale2/?bordercolor=white

Identity and Ownership

Ownership?  

How can this be possible, how can one “own” anything when it is inherently temporary?  When I looked it up in the dictionary I found many definitions but all had one thing in common.  They said nothing.  They referred to the word “owner” or “own.”  They all brought me into en endless loop, a cycle of hyperbole so to speak.  It reminded me of Adolf Hitler speaking, saying much and saying nothing at all, the usual superfluous ramblings and hollow rants of a buffoon.

 

I looked up Ownership and it referred me to the word:  “Possession.”

So I looked THAT up and it said “nothing.”  Here is what it said: 

1. The act or fact of possessing.

2. The state of being possessed.

Okay then so I looked up “possessing” and here is what it said: 

To have as belonging to one; have as property; own: to possess a house or a car.

So I realized that also means “nothing” so I looked up “Have” and this is what it said:

to possess; own; hold for use; contain: He has property.

(This brought me back to the words “own” and “possess” which both say nothing.

How about “Belong:”

a. to be the property of: The book belongs to her

Okay, off to find the meaning of “Property…this should yield some results right?  Wrong! 

That which a person owns; possession or possessions of a particular owner. They lost all their property in the fire.

WHAT!?  Not the word “Possession” & “owns” again! An endless loop straight back to the void.  My conclusion again: We are making this ALL up!

In Aramaic there is no real word for ownership.  In fact in early Hebrew although there is no word for “doubt” they used the word “Adon” which means absolute ownership and control, for God.

So the more we take a deeper look at this the more obvious it becomes that ownership is all made up, a fabrication, a sleight of hand.  It is a word designed to get us to believe that it is possible to make something yours.

In this never ending conundrum I prefer the Latin meaning of the word “Identity” (Idem) “to make same.” This is clearly what we are all doing anytime we think we can own something.  Since everything you feel you own is nothing but temporary it can be nothing short of insanity to attempt to own anything.  Before I understood (understanding it does not mean that I do it 100% yet) it was made of nothing I thought it had some true permanence, to “own” something was real, it was mine…

But what if this is all just truly about an ego attempt to make what WE are (since we have long forgotten) connected with objects and form?  Along with our stories and our history.

This would be a serious issue.  It would be another nail in the coffin of the ego if we truly KNEW that attempting to possess, own or have anything was not even possible. It would cease all of those future anxieties in a heartbeat, things such as: want, desire & craving.

Ahhhh, so this is why letting go of possessions is the Masters way.  It is part of the Toa, the Bible, the main Buddhist teachings and of course: The Course.  But we are not just speaking about owning things, but the “need” to own things, the “need” to possess ideas, things, stories, events and concepts. 

However that is a massive undertaking.  Let’s just speak of things for now.  How many of you “own” your house? If you thought “me, I do” you have absolutely fallen into that trap.  Even if you felt like I was going to put you on the hotseat and differentiate you from others who do NOT own their house, you have fallen prey to the ego.   The fact is that you CANNOT own anything as we pointed out earlier.  But deep within the recesses of your mind you think this is possible.  You think that you and your house are the same.  You fell prey to what you learned via the ego about what you are not.  You learn that you are made more viable and valuable by “owning” something.  Something of “permanence” like land and a hollow block of wood and mortar arranged in some order. You feel special…better…more worthy.  You have learned the egos lesson well. 

There is an army of people out there who believe this story and teach it to you daily.  They have set up their lives to convince you that you NEED these things.  Every newspaper, TV commercial, magazine and every single advertisement is there to convince you that you NEED them. To drive that new vehicle is not just driving a new vehicle, it is part of YOU.  This is why we spend $50,000+ for a device we can get the same results from if it were the $15,000 model (or comparable: ie an truck to a truck, a car to a car, etc…).  Why do I need THAT label on there?  I can OWN THAT house, that outfit, that device, unit, appliance, tool, house, car, boat, spouse significant other, children, vacation, etc…   I want it to look good be good and sound good.  I want and NEED to possess it AND deep within my mind it needs to be as close to “best” (because someone else says or thinks it is) as possible, because it IS ME.  To add more spice to it, it is better if everyone else knows I “own” it also. I now have others that agree with me.  So I’m going to show and tell everyone about the new vacation, car, house, item…this makes me MORE…I am special…but I thought special always meant “MORE!”  No…special means “Separate” not more.  We are trying to make it mean “more,” but this is NOT working.

Think to yourself right now, how many times have you compared your possessions (identities) with others’?    If you felt disappointment in your child you have done it, if you felt better than, with your house you have done it. 

We are constantly measuring ourselves with others via their possessions, “accomplishments” and oh, lets not forget…our appearance.

YET, the punchline of this whole story, in fact, is that it is ALL temporary.  The house will fade and decay, the car will stop running. The world will end, the universe will end and long before that, your body your memory your “accomplishments” and your possessions will decay and be completely forgotten.  All of it in the blink of an eye in the Universes’ perspective.

To get perspective on this, imagine you contract a deadly form of Cancer and you now have only a few days or weeks to live.  Truly think about that…what do you value?  Does the money matter anymore?  How about the BMW, the Nice house and the status you have in the community?  Notice how small you feel, how closed in yet how liberated.  How taking inventory of your life is quite simple now.  What you valued in a shocking moment you do not value any longer.   Now if you can feel that for at least a nanosecond then what is it you are feeling the other 99.999999999% of the time?  

That’s right, Identity.  The idea of having, owning or possessing something, someone or some ideal making you like “it.”  It is the idea of something making you more…and this is a fruitless search.  There is also the goal of occupying your mind so you need not think of anything I’m saying here, to never think of death, to ignore it so you will never have to truly face the truth…this is NOT what you are.

You also realize something else…you may have wasted a lot of time “owning.”

The truth is Identity was already given you.  You are what the maker of you says you are and this bothers us deeply to our core.  We want to be the ones that have the only say in what we are…but sadly we do not.  We can REMEMBER what we ALREADY are and that’s that. Our attempt at Identity is an attempt to rewrite ourselves, to point at something we give value to and say: “That is my worth because that is mine…it is ME.”  But we will never be right…that can never be true. You can convince yourself you are what you say, and then you will believe it but that does NOT make it true. Then you will realize the true definition of suffering.  If you have EVER suffered, ever, you are trying to convince yourself you are something you are not.  You are attempting to tell the painter what the painting means and was created for.  It is because you are on another fruitless search for the impossible…to be something you are not.

Once again, this is why “letting” go of things, ideas, concepts and history is the masters way.

I am hoping we can keep this one going in the comments.  Feel free to expand or expound on this.

Notes on the way...

1. The purpose of life is to heal you and to bring you joy! Anything less is Self-Inflicted Nonsense.
2. We will define the output of the human mind as reality. In ancient times, called the 'mind of man.'
3. Pretending someone else causes your mind's disturbing output is projection.
4. Blaming another for your reality (the output of your mind) is irresponsible and the key to being a victim.
5. Thinking and feeling like a victim is self-destructive and compromises one's mental, emotional, physical, relationship and financial health.
6. Pain is the energy that results from holding onto disintegrative energy and/or negative thoughts. Pain warns of the need for tools to release stored negativity and create internal healing.
7. Forgiveness (changing your reality, the output of your mind) is the only PERMANENT solution.
8. Forgiving is NOT about others, rather, it is an internal healing process.
9. Understanding the principles behind transition is simple but not always easy.
10. It takes commitment and work to heal yourself of patterns that have continued, often, for generations!
11. The rewards are beyond what the mind in pain can conceive.

 

I Will Coutinue

To Listen Deeply, And Not Go Sleep

The most important job in the world & Forgiveness

“There never was a time an idol brought me anything except the 'gift' of guilt. Not one was bought except at cost of pain, nor was it ever paid by me alone.” (ACIM: T-30.V.10:3-4)

"I want to do the most important job in the world!" That's what I stated to my Mother when I was 14, and I was serious. I one time saw an article in the late 1980's about fortune 500 CEO's being asked: "if you could have any job on Earth, what would it be?" The overwhelming answer was "famous musician or actor." That's it...that's what I would do.  We all have some addiction…fame and notoriety were/are mine.

I warp you ahead 25 years. I spent many years trying to make music and did. I stood on stages in many places and played with many good (and sometimes great), and not so good musicians. But in the end I did not become "famous." I am fairly unknown, residing in a sleepy corner of South Carolina...led here by an unseen force. I play guitar, light barbecues and go on 2 week vacations. But...

…What is that feeling!?

I want to be, feel, be known as...important. 

The problem is I am not. The good thing is I am not.

I recently did a search online for an old friend. He was extremely talented as I can remember, sort of a child prodigy. He could play numerous instruments and he was a wonderful composer. On top of all that he was a nice guy, the type you just had to like.  The seemingly innocent type.

When I looked him up I was shocked to see his website, (not for that reason...everyone has a website nowadays) but he was composing music now in front of entire orchestras for video games and movie scores. He lives in LA now...a classic cliché, with his Bio on IMDB.com. 

Two feelings went through me. One was a joy for him, "it couldn't happen to a nicer guy" (even though I had not seen him in 20 years) I immediately thought. The music is beautiful (him and I secretly loved Yanni, yes, we were in the closet Yanni listeners) and I went to Amazon to purchase his music. 

The second feeling was more disguised, a sickness and a twinge of sadness. I have felt this before...a feeling of unimportance, of littleness. I was in pain and under attack. I need to get out there and DO something…be important, be noticed!  I have to write something, make music, speak….ahhhhhh!

My job as a counselor now requires that I assist many people from a vast myriad of backgrounds. I see street pavers, nurses, teachers, lawyers, doctors, actors, musicians housewives and even many therapists, etc...the list goes on and on. Yes some are well known and considered famous and some are not. But all are the same to me in a way. The only way that matters. 

I discovered over the decade and a half of working intimately with the depth of people’s hearts a few things. 

Everyone seemed the same: Sure, they had different wants, wishes and experiences.  BUT, they all had the same core wants wishes and experiences.  The same as I, the same as each other.  The problem is also the same, our wish to be happy cannot be found in outside sources but we try…and try…and try.  I recently read a quote by Edward Deci at the University of Rochester. It provides further evidence for this conclusion. It suggests that achieving goals like wealth, fame and physical attractiveness not only doesn't make us happy, but it actually makes us feel worse. True happiness, in Deci's words, comes instead from "growing as an individual, having loving relationships, and contributing to your community."

I know and understand this and I teach this on a daily basis.  This is a truth of things and a teaching of all great Masters. But to live the teachings of the masters and of our evolution is a whole different animal.  But unlike so many assumptions as to the goal of Spiritual and psychological pathways it is not the absence of these feelings which defines our growth, but what we do when we experience these feelings of pain and attack.  Yes, we would not be here if we had no problems, no worries or fears.  We would not be self creating a discord within the very fabric of self.  So we must work at it, we must be vigilant and fight our asses off to struggle through the muck and go in the other direction.  The one of peace, happiness…the one of God.  We all have to work at that…not because of Him, but because of us.  We are so used to believing that happiness lies in the wrong direction we are like Pavlov’s dogs, predictable and compliant to the egos whims.  We are sheep headed out to slaughter every time we choose an idol (read: addiction).  It will NEVER work yet like a moth headed towards the flame we commit spiritual and psychological suicide each and every time. 

“An object at rest stays at rest and an object in motion stays in motion with the same speed and in the same direction unless acted upon by an unbalanced force.” –Sir Issac Newton

 

The second part of Newton’s law states the object must be acted upon by an unbalanced force.  I always wanted it to say “a more balanced” force.  But of course Newton is speaking about Physics and in physics, balance is akin to continuity. 

 But what about matters of the mind and Love?  If we keep doing the same things over and over and expecting a different result, some have called that insanity.  Indeed it is, so what’s the solution?  To add that “unbalanced force” or more balanced.  We must be aware, and then we MUST choose to do something about all of this first.  We attempt to quarantine the urine on the swimming pool each time we ignore the issue.  For an issue cannot BE ignored.  It doesn’t really go anywhere; there is no corner we can run away from our own thoughts. A thought cannot BE gotten rid of, it can only be transformed.  You can “forget” something consciously, but your unconscious mind will always remember and it will enact the process of those thoughts upon you.  

So I felt bad.  In order to exact that more balanced force upon the momentum of the ego I prayed and most of all I forgave.  I did a process forged thousands of years ago to help me.  I went through each step of the forgiveness process feeling awful as I did.  It was like regurgitating all that Goo I ate earlier in my life.  I hate vomiting, so I always avoided it…not this time, I want to feel better. I did another, and another…I was vigilant, persistent.  But not for my demise this time, but instead for my will to be happy, to Love, to be at peace…for God. I was doing real forgiveness. Not the kind in which we absolve someone for what they did to “us” but forgiveness that states nothing really ever occurred at all. This takes work, the concept is sound on every level…but to live it, hmmmm.  Forgiveness in Ancient Aramaic is pronounced: Shbag, it means to cancel out.  I WANT to cancel out these insane thoughts, but I cannot do it myself.  I cannot transform them alone; a problem truly cannot be solved by the mind that created it.

12 forgiveness sheets later…

I felt better, slowly, surely.  I didn’t care about all that stuff I felt earlier, I felt peaceful free of anxiety, of guilt.  I let go,  Hmmm, 30 minutes earlier I felt only terrible, rushed and like a failure.  I felt like I had to get something done…accomplish more…set goals, expand the purpose…have a purpose…a new purpose?

Now I could care less…My goal again has become God.  It was never so clear to me that the only reason for goals (idols) in this world is to keep us away from God. The new trip, possession, job, project, fame (or the quest thereof) etc…But here I was in the incredible contrast.  Going from EXTREME anxiety to EXTREME calm in 30 minutes. Seeing everything as backwards from how I did earlier.  In the past this is something I would never have done…I would have attempted to bury it that illusive place we all do…the “back of the mind,” the place that does not exist only to watch it resurface its ugly head a few months or years down the road with a vengeance.  This was the unbalanced force throwing the ego off kilter I required.  I needed my will to be enacted.  TRULY to NOT want to feel and think this way, I had to have enough!

I don’t want to be famous, to be larger than life; since I am life. I don’t want to want.  I want to know that I already have.  

So I forgave…

So here I am, relatively unknown by the multitudes…sitting in a small office somewhere in South Carolina. I am doing the work my creator would have me do.  Something never dreamed of in my youth and something not even on my scale.  I fly under the radar and…I am peaceful, content and happy.

I truly do have the most important job in the world.

Keith